My Sitcom Life... or Wife.

Background: Outriggers can be lots of things, but in this particular instance, I'm talking about the hydraulic-powered legs and feet that come out the side of a backhoe to stabilize it. When I was a kid, they were widening the highway through Covington, and I was over at Jon Powell's house, which was right on the highway. They were working in the ditch right next to the house with a backhoe. Well, the operator didn't have his outriggers down, and he got himself up on both the front-end loader and the backhoe itself, and with no side support, it tipped over. It was hilarious. They had to bring another giant machine over and winch it back onto its wheels. CUT TO: INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT TWENTY YEARS LATER The wife and I are standing in the kitchen talking, fixing dinner. I went to move somewhere and bumped into her foot, which she had spread quite wide. I said, "Oops, sorry, didn't mean to bump into your outrigger, there." "Outrigger?" "Yeah, like on a backhoe." "I know what an outrigger is. This isn't an outrigger." To which I say, jokingly, "Yeah, true, you're not a backhoe. You're more of a.. front-hoe." WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT, she says: "Yeah, well, you're an ass-hoe." Hollywood, you couldn't possibly do better. Pack it in, buddy. My wife rules!